plz talk dirty to me
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
