the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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