your parents love me but you hate me
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
