The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
