If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
