my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I need a beard to bite.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
