It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
