For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
