We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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