My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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