Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
