it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
