i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
