found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
