either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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