ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize