But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
