someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
