tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
