We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
