I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I want a musical about memes.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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