Moan for me like Helen Keller
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
