OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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