Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
