is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
