dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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