I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
