i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
