I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
