so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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