I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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