everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
