i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
