wakey wakey hands off snakey
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
