Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
