pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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