Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
