so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
