Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
In other news, I just burned my penis
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
