I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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