Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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