omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
