Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
