she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
