I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
