Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
