HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
