the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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