so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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