Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
