mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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