So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
