She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
