Rock
Scissors
Fuck
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
