nutella sex= disaster
two words...techno handjob
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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