What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
