Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
