I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
