heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
