Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
