i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
