I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
