At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
