You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
