i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
